Two random lists that have nothing whatsoever to do with each other. So far as you know, anyway.
Selected Excerpts from Employee Evaluations I Have Received
'Obviously exaggerated skill set on resume.'
'Better suited to a part-time role.'
'Often tardy.'
'Doesn't work well with others; known to snap.'
'Needs simple tasks explained multiple times.'
'Not easily motivated; could be more of a self-starter.'
'Reprimanded several times for inappropriate pinching.'
'Caught blogging during business hours.'
'Often found sleeping on the job.'
'Prone to slipping out early for a beer.'
'Suggestion: demote to custodial position?'
'Surprisingly thorough.'
Selected Excerpts From Comments My Wife Has Made After Sex
'Obviously exaggerated skill set on resume.'
'Better suited to a part-time role.'
'NEVER tardy.'
'Doesn't work well with others; known to bite.'
'Needs simple tasks explained multiple times.'
'Too easily motivated; could be less of a self-finisher.'
'Reprimanded several times for inappropriate pinching.'
'Caught blogging during 'business' hours.'
'Often found sleeping immediately after the job.'
'Prone to slipping out early for a beer.'
'Suggestion: demote to custodial position?'
'Surprisingly thorough.'