Two random lists that have nothing whatsoever to do with each other. So far as you know, anyway.

Selected Excerpts from Employee Evaluations I Have Received


'Obviously exaggerated skill set on resume.'
'Better suited to a part-time role.'

'Often tardy.'
'Doesn't work well with others; known to snap.'

'Needs simple tasks explained multiple times.'
'Not easily motivated; could be more of a self-starter.'

'Reprimanded several times for inappropriate pinching.'
'Caught blogging during business hours.'

'Often found sleeping on the job.'
'Prone to slipping out early for a beer.'

'Suggestion: demote to custodial position?'
'Surprisingly thorough.'


Selected Excerpts From Comments My Wife Has Made After Sex


'Obviously exaggerated skill set on resume.'

'Better suited to a part-time role.'
'NEVER tardy.'

'Doesn't work well with others; known to bite.'
'Needs simple tasks explained multiple times.'

'Too easily motivated; could be less of a self-finisher.'
'Reprimanded several times for inappropriate pinching.'

'Caught blogging during 'business' hours.'
'Often found sleeping immediately after the job.'

'Prone to slipping out early for a beer.'
'Suggestion: demote to custodial position?'

'Surprisingly thorough.'