www.dialmformoron.com

Mum Does'nt Know Boyfriend

jason — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 23:36:14 +0000

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother says, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then asks, "Does he know that?"

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Bank robber finds getaway on Craigslist

jason — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 14:09:02 +0000

A man is being sought after he successfully used Craigslist to cover up a bank robbery.

He posted an advert on the popular classified web site offering landscaping work on a road maintenance project in Monroe, Washington for $28.50 an hour.

One man who contacted the advertiser about work was told to meet the rest of the crew outside a Bank of America branch wearing a yellow vest, safety goggles, a respirator mask and a blue shirt.

The man met a dozen other men waiting to start work on the job, all dressed in a similar fashion. No hirer appeared and the men thought they had been stood up but later discovered they were unwitting accomplices in a bank robbery.

As the men gathered outside, the robber went into the bank wearing the same clothes as those stood outside. He pepper-sprayed a guard, snatched a money bag and made his escape.

The robber, described as 'a white man in his 20s, between 5ft 7in and 5ft 10in, wearing a dark blue shirt, jean shorts and a mask' is now being sought by the police. He was last seen floating down Woods Creek on an inner tube.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

The Why's of Men

jason — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:41:49 +0000

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Germany's Stupidest W@nkers - Sorry, Bankers

jason — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:09:09 +0000

Three executives dubbed "Germany's stupidest bankers" in the press have been suspended from state bank KfW over erroneous transfers of more than 500 million euros (710 million dollars) to the bankrupt Lehman Brothers, the KfW said.

Two board members and a top risk control manager were suspended "pending final clarification of the incident" following a meeting of KfW's supervisory board meeting attended by top ministers including Finance Minister Peer Steinbrueck, the bank said in a statement late Thursday.

A law firm has also been hired to see if further "consequences" are appropriate and the bank, already under fire over its rescue of IKB -- Germany's biggest casualty of the subprime crisis -- will subject its business procedures, especially those of risk management, to an "in-depth audit."

The bank state-owned lender mistakenly transferred more than 350 million euros to Lehman Brothers on Monday after the US investment bank filed for bankruptcy protection, and according to the Bild daily the total exposure has since been established at 536 million euros.

"I have never experienced anything like it in my life," Bild quoted Steinbrueck as saying after the meeting.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Test Your Mind

jason — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:05:18 +0000

Only great minds can read this ..This is weird, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd wah t I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

Can you read it?

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply

jason — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 23:38:08 +0000

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap , .....you're gonna get shit !!!!!!

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Moron, Interrupted

Charlie Hatton — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 18:17:16 +0000

To whom it may concern, cheer, disappoint, or vindicate:

Sorry for the late notice (after a week of silence), but I'm afraid Dial 'M' for Moron will be going on hiatus for a bit.

Or has already gone on hiatus. Except for this post, which doesn't count as breaking the hiatus. Unless it does count, in which case, a new hiatus will be starting just as soon as I've dug myself out of the hiatus hole I seem to be digging here.

(And if you tell anyone I'm 'digging in his hiatus hole', I'll flatly deny it. My mother might read this someday, you know.)

At any rate, the updates here will be on 'Pause' for a bit, but we'll hopefully be back to 'Play', or 'Fast Forward', or 'Sleep' or whatever speed we were careening at before. In the meantime, please feel free to browse through the archives -- the 200+ posts over the past year and a half or so should keep you busy for a while.

And if that doesn't slake your burning thirst for nonsense, you can drop by my other online effort, Where the Hell Was I? [LINK]

(Also on hiatus, I'm afraid. But chock full of drivel, and even more impressive. In volume only, of course. The words themselves are just as ridiculous, and often made up. Just the way I likes 'em.)

I hope to be back soon, and wish you a fond au revoir in my absence. For now, it's back to my 'hiatus cave' -- lord, that doesn't sound any less alarming at all -- to sort my life back into order. Thanks for reading; I'll see you in a bit. Cheers.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

'Be Prepared' to Party

Charlie Hatton — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 18:53:03 +0000

I was reminded today of my two favorite benefits of performing standup comedy -- it keeps you on your toes, and provides lots of practice for saying ridiculous things to strangers while keeping a straight face.

(Given that I vanishingly rarely performed for cash, and that I'm still on my self-imposed hiatus, those also happen to be the only benefits I've received from performing standup comedy.

Unless you count a scarred psyche and a swollen liver. To me, those are more 'byproducts' than 'benefits'. When you take money out of the equation, it's all semantics, right?)

"To suggest that my basket was 'full' would be like saying Courtney Love is 'a little high-strung'."

I remembered the lessons that standup has taught me while in the liquor store today, loading up on alcohol for our barbecue tomorrow. When my grabby booze frenzy had finally ended, I was left pushing a shopping cart with four full cases of beer, an oversized bottle of tequila, and various mixers. I could barely fit it all in the cart, frankly. To suggest that my basket was 'full' would be like saying Courtney Love is 'a little high-strung'. Dig it.

As I muscled my cart toward the register, a demure older lady -- in her fifties, maybe -- walked past me toward the aisles of red wines. She glanced at my cart and gave me a knowing but wary look. In an instant, she'd clearly sized me up and didn't much approve, but decided that 'boys will be boys' and 'at least he looks like he's not from our neighborhood'. As she passed, she suppressed a cluck and said:

'Hrm. Having a party, I suppose?'

To which I immediately responded:

'Nope. Boy Scout Jamboree.'

And kept right on walking to the register. Standup taught me that -- always be ready, and never look back. But she was clearly scandalized. Her footsteps stopped, and I could imagine the gape creeping over her face. Why, the nerve of me! I'm surprised she didn't huff out to the parking lot, just to tell me, 'I never!'

Anyway, it was a bit of pre-party fun. Tomorrow's the big day; at this very moment, there are beer brats soaking and bits of dead chickens marinating in my refrigerator. I won't tell you which parts of the chicken, exactly, or precisely what they're marinating in, but I can assure you -- they'll be delicious.

If I don't see you, you have yourselves a spiffy weekend, would you? Come to our BBQ, or find another one, or get outside and do something else. Maybe a Scout Jamboree -- I hear they make the best margaritas.

At least, that's how this Jamboree's going down. Happy July, folks.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.